Bahasa Malaysia Paper 1
Bahasa Malaysia Paper 2
English 1119 Paper 1
English 1119 Paper 2
History Paper 1
History Paper 2
English for Science and Technology Paper 1
English for Science and Technology Paper 2
Mathematics Paper 1
Mathematics Paper 2
Islamic Studies Paper 1
Islamic Studies Paper 2
Science Paper 1
Science Paper 2
Visual Art Studies Paper 1
Visual Art Studies Paper 2
Commerce Paper 1
Commerce Paper 2
Science was horrible, I suppose. I am NOT expecting a good result for that darn subject. Embarrassing. Art work on Friday and two commerce papers next Wednesday, then I'm freeeeeeeeeee! Well. Sorta.
A special celebration with this lovely best friend of mine. :) We've been there for each other when things were really bad and we've supported each other no matter what. I know that we've not been spending a lot of time together, but hey, friendship doesn't mean you're neighbors. So, lets cheer for another 10 years down the road. Hip hip? (Insert Deeya's reply here)!
Ilabius, Gaybian.
Happy 2 years of gayship. <3
Jazelia
I could feel my balance lose its bond with gravity and my body leaning forward into nothingness. And as I tumbled and rolled in thin air, falling rapidly with my eyes closed, my mind scoured for any kind of thought to grasp on. The first one it managed to cling on to.. were smiles.
I have seen all sorts of smiles. Happy smiles, playful smiles, humorous smiles, sarcastic smiles, and so on. I have always considered a smile as a type of honesty. Now that a smile can be faked, I miss those honest smiles that just shoo those gloomy clouds away. The smile your little brother or sister makes when they got their first bicycle, the smile on your dad's or mom's face when they received a huge bonus, the smile on a man's face when he holds his new-born baby for the first time - those smiles that bring tears to your eyes. Tears of joy. I have to admit, the world may not have run out of these luminous smiles, but it has definitely gone extinct in my world. If not my world, then whatever that surrounds me. Tears do not come out from being joyous, but more from being apologetic. I apologize for not doing my best.
I could feel my eyes swell up with salt water, even as they were lightly shut. A single trickle of that very water escaped and traveled down to the center of my cheek bone and boom, there went my mind again. After what seemed like a minute later, it caught something in its deathly net. This time it was fear.
My mind told me that that path was dark. But it was heading for it, anyway. People usually succeed in overcoming their fears. But others just don't want to stare at it in the eye and tell it to move aside so that they can pass through. My mind saw me staring straight into the eyes of a very large, very dark, and very gloomy being. Its eyes were as red as hot lava and it had a hunch on its back as big as a three story house. I was so puny in comparison to that creature, but I stared on. Standing tall and standing my ground. The stare never ended because I never gathered enough courage to make it move. It never let me through.
I started to struggle out of panic and confusion, so I started to force my eyes open. They wouldn't open. They were afraid of something that was on the other side of my eyelids. My hands reached up to tear them open. And as my bare eyes were ripped of their shields, a blinding light pierced them so suddenly that a throbbing pain appeared somewhere near my medulla. I shut my eyes quickly and protected my face with my arms. Pretty soon the light was gone.
It was totally dark, now. My eyes could open freely, even though there was nothing to see. As I looked around me, I noticed that something had happened to my skin. It started to dust away. Bits of my arm were gone, and so were my toes. I started to panic and my sudden yet useless reflexes swerved me backwards right into the wall behind me. It hurt like a bitch, but at least I swerved back into mid air. My whole back was scored now. Deeply scored.
Due to the wounds that caused unbearable pain, I abruptly fainted and was then lost in subconsciousness, again. This time, my mind went blank as well. There were no thoughts to grasp, nothing to mind about, nor anything to overpower. My mind was jobless. And as it was jobless, and my body was still falling, I slipped into an eternal sleep. A sleep with no worries, no apologies, and not a single fear.
I was free.
Jazelia
I hate it when I can feel a writing sensation in my gut while I'm out and have the urge to trot it down somewhere but when I actually get some kind of material in my hands I forget what it was about or the combination of words that sparked the whole incident in the first place.
I hate it when I get upset about one problem and create other problems with different people by lashing it out.
I hate it when I study long hours but only remember a fraction of it. I hate it when I get all confident about a subject but end up with just a credit.
I hate it when I want something so bad and even more when I'm assured of grasping it, but in the end loses grip of it for some suddenly random reason.
I hate it when I pick playful fights with people with sharp words but get offended when they fight back, even if it was in a playful manner.
I hate it when I go shopping with a bundle of cash in my pockets but never find the right outfit. But then go out another time without a dime in my pockets and find a gazillion things I love and want to buy.
I hate it when I can hang out but there's no one to hang out with.
I hate it when I want something but somebody else, who heard about that certain something from me, gets it before I do and flaunts it in my face unintentionally.
I hate it when people aren't thankful for what they have.
And I hate it when a person I love brings me down. Because it just crushes me inside out.
Jazelia
I'm taking this little fraction of my time to conclude that my schooling days are finally over. The day that I've been anxious about for the past 5 years has finally arrived - yet I'm am not the least bit happy about it.
I was touched when I read Dira's post about the end of school and, of course, I understood what she meant when she said she wouldn't have wanted to miss any of those unforgettable moments.
In my case, middle school sucked ass. I hated that school, and I still do. That school taught me nothing but how to survive. Heck I could have learnt that elsewhere. But hey, everything that happens to you happens for a very good reason. God is just.
Beaconhouse Sri Inai was like a breath of fresh air to me. A new beginning. It was a totally different chapter and the ending turned out pretty well. I made friends that I can probably still goof around with until I'm 60, I have teachers who give so much to their students, and I have memories that might not be perfect, but, nevertheless, amazing.
Yesterday was the last day of school and I didn't even bother to cherish it. I don't really know why. Maybe because I know I still have 5 days worth of subjects and I'll get to cry my last goodbyes to school years forever on the 9th of December.
I do feel sad. I mean, most of us '92s aren't ready to face the world. Most of us still want to sleep during classes, have recess with 20 friends at a table that's suppose to hold 10 people, camwhore in class, or just gossip around with the lights off. What makes it harder to let go is the fact that my classmates are like my siblings. Our classroom is our home.
Now that SPM is actually happening and my friends go through this one last push, there isn't time for any of us to sulk about the end of our memories. We have to look forward to more memorable moments to come. We'll meet new friends, go to new places, and become better people. But at least we can always look back to an awesome past.
Ciao, '92s. Kick ass for SPM. All the best.
Jazelia
